Between the Lines

How can I love you when you did not hold me?
You gave me life
How can I love you when you left me to wander?
You brushed my hair one hundred times at night
How can I love you when you did not protect me?
You had supper on the table every night
How can I love you when you did not support me?
You gave up your dreams to raise me
How can I love you when you did not wipe my tears?
You told me that my father adored me and admired me
How can I love you when you destroyed my art?
You have thanked me for teaching you how to be happy
How can I love you when you mocked my dreams?
You are proud of the woman I have become
How can I love you when you betrayed my secrets?
You love my children unconditionally
How can I love you when you told me I did not matter?
You told me I was an exceptional mother
How can I love you when you still don’t listen to me?
You are happy that I have a good life

I can love you because I can read between the lines.

I have been...

I have been…
So nice
A cunt
Lovely
A bitch
Beautiful
A raving tyrannical bitch
Like the Virgin Mary
A sweetie
Stupid
Brilliant
Stupid
Kind
Your soul-mate
Too skinny
Tall
Too tall
Cold hearted
An angel
Crass
Your Principessa
A bitch in heat
One tough bitch
Cruel
The most beautiful woman who loves nature
Fucked up
Mommy dog
Just like Jesus
Wise
Mommy big woman
Mommy cat
Annoying
Yes, and an amazing woman

Serenity

I came across this bird drawing a year ago on Papa's birthday

After my papa died, not long after, I had a dream about him.

I stood inside an ancient church at the very back. Everything was dark, and everything was cold.

I looked down at the stone floor, at the dust on the stone floor, and at my bare feet in the dust on the stone floor.

I looked up and ahead, and I saw light and I felt warmth emanating from the front of the church. And there stood mon beau Papa. He smiled, and his smile was beatific. He lifted and cupped his hands and motioned me to come forward and see the secret that he held in his cupped hands.

I cautiously moved towards him, and when I reached him, I finally also smiled. He did not speak, but gently nodded at his hands. I looked into his blue eyes and then down to his hands. Inside, within a soft warm glow he held a little bird.

The next day I called La Sorcière, ma maman, and told her about the dream.

She barely let me finish. "Your Papa always worried about you, and what he wanted more than anything was for you to find serenity... the little bird is serenity."